Wednesday, February 23, 2011

"Why Me?"

The world is filled with sadness, hatred and misery... some say, life is unfair. The wicked prosper and the good suffer... the victims often burst - out, "Why me?"

When I was still a baby, my aunt was playing with me by the window sill at my grandparents' two story-house. Suddenly, she lost her grip causing me to fall. By the grace of God, i was able to escape death. What I got were bruises and a broken rib. If only I could talk, surely I would ask, "Why me?"

Due to poverty, at age 12, my parents handed me to my childless aunt who promised to send me to high school. At that very young age, i often cried at night missing my parents...and asked to myself "Why me?"
At 21, I was able to enter the Philippine Military Academy. Sadly, after three (3) years, I was discharged from the service. Again I cried asking God "Why me?"

Despite my long days at work and attending to my family's needs, while studying in law school, I was able to graduate and I took the 2003 bar exams. When the results were released, I browsed the internet looking for my name printed on it. Finally, my wife accepted the truth and said, "Pa, I cannot find your name..."Again, I asked the very question "Why me?"

But I would not give up my dreams easily. Again, I took the 2004 bar exams. On the day of the result, my wife got up early to buy a newspaper but with tears told me, "Pa, still I cannot find your name..." Again, i was not able to make it. This time I uttered those words with so much trembling, "Why me?"

Harriet Beecher Stowe, once said: "Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn", I took the 2005 bar exams hoping that God will find favor on me, this time. Then, on the day of the result, with so much vigor and excitement, my wife woke up early to buy a newspaper. But, after scanning the newspaper from front page up to the last page, reviewing again from the front page without even skipping the obituaries section, she told me with anger, "Pa I cannot find your name and I'm getting sick and tired of your dream..." I felt my world shutter. While other people encourage me, my wife is telling me to give up. I felt I was alone... And the world abandoned me. At that very moment, my body was almost in the brink of collapse, I asked myself, yet no sound escaped my lips even how hard I tried to shout "Why me?"

In the saddest moment of my life. I found strength in the story of a reformed drug addict. He was in the point of committing suicide when the words of his grandmother saved him. His grandmother told him "What are you talking about not wanting to live? Even a little cockroach runs like hell for its life! Are you worse than a cockroach? Are you weak? no dreams, no hopes?" Those words hit him hard and deep. Surely, he was better than a cockroach!

This story has a great impact on me... I AM BETTER THAN A COCKROACH!!! Life is beautiful, but we have to find it... We have to see it... We have to experience it. To find the perfect beauty of life is to make the most of it.

As I reflect, I realize that I have also some achievements. I have a loving wife, five healthy and talented children and despite being born to a poor family, I was able to graduate and now have a stable job.